Three Surefire Tricks to Remember that Age is Just a Number (Ep. 19)

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Age is just a number. Have you said that to yourself? Have you heard someone say that to you?

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I think it's hilarious that when I'm out with a lot of my friends,

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sometimes somebody's birthday is coming up.

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Now, if it's friends that I, we all graduated college at the same time or something

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like that, we know how old we are.

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But I don't necessarily remember off the top of my head in a conversation how old I am at this point.

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Is that you? I'm curious, actually. I have to subtract.

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And my birthday is in February, so it's early in the year, so that's a little

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bit easier with the subtraction.

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But maybe if you're another time of the year, then you have to think,

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okay, is it the beginning of the year or the end of the year when I subtract?

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You know, carry the one, whatever.

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I think that not remembering exactly your age at this midlife stage is probably

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a healthy thing? So let's talk about it.

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Welcome to Mind Your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success, one thought at a time.

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Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe

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in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life

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or feel truly confident in your body.

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Each week, you'll gain actionable strategies, and oh my goodness,

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powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife.

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This is the Mind Your Midlife Podcast.

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I shared in my Instagram stories the other day, getting ready for this episode,

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a video that the Holderness family did about the

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the wife being one year off on her age and always wanting to celebrate one year

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less and the husband having to tell her.

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So if we're not already connected on Instagram, Cheryl P. Fisher, come find me.

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The funny part of that was that she didn't know how old she was.

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And obviously that's a joke, but there's a lot of cases where maybe we don't

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remember exactly how old we are. and that's because the exact number isn't what matters.

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I found a TikTok. What do you call it? I'm not a TikTok aficionado,

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really. I found a filter.

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I guess that's what you call it, where you could ask TikTok to tell you what is your age.

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And so you sit there looking at it and it comes up with an age.

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And when I did it, and this was months ago, I think it said either,

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I think it said around 40.

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Now, I'm 54.

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So I was really excited about it saying that. That's a big difference.

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It was in the 40s somewhere, what it said. And then, not too far away from that

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same time, I had completely the opposite experience.

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I was at a hotel in Las Vegas, and there were magnifying mirrors in the bathroom.

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And it just so happened in this instance that the magnifying mirror was kind

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of swung out over the sink and,

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And I walked into the bathroom and I almost walked into it. And so imagine this, I'm facing it.

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I'm almost walking into it. What am I looking at? A huge magnification of my face.

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And I have been diligent with healthy living and with skincare and with taking

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care of my wacky sensitive skin for many, many years. And I'm happy with my skin.

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But let me tell you what, when I walked into that magnifying mirror,

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that closely, it was huge. It must have been a lot of magnification.

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I suddenly really wasn't happy. And I saw every little wrinkle and hair.

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Oh my goodness, I felt like a monster.

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Maybe you've had this experience or something similar. So how do both of those

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things happen in a short period of time?

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I'll grant you that a TikTok filter probably isn't the ultimate authority on what age I look like.

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But looking for every wrinkle and every, I'm going to call it every problem,

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even though they're not problems, every little negative thing you can find is

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not the ultimate authority either.

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So we're here in midlife. We always used to hear about a midlife crisis,

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and we always used to hear the phrase over the hill.

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Now, midlife crisis, this is probably part of what this whole podcast, every episode is about.

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It's a lot. There's a lot going on in this period of life. We're not going to

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call it a crisis, so we're going to leave that term, but just keep listening to Mind Your Midlife.

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Now, over the hill is something I heard someone talking on social media the

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other day saying we should really drop this over-the-hill phrase completely.

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And I thought that was such a great point because I remember it from when my

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parents were in their 40s and 50s, and it used to refer to turning 40.

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And so what over-the-hill means, if we're taking it literally,

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is you've gone up the hill the first half of your life, you've hit the peak

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at age 40, and now you're coming down the other side.

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I don't think that's the case at all, whether we're talking about 40 or 50 or

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55 or 48 or whatever it is.

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I don't think that image helps us at all. So let's drop over the hill,

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but let's figure out what's going on with this age thing and see if we can just do a mindset check.

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Are there any little, sneaky, problematic thoughts sitting inside your brain

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that are causing you to maybe limit yourself,

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hold yourself back from what you really could be doing during this freaking

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awesome period that we call midlife.

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So let's start with what does age actually mean?

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Age literally means the number of years that you have been alive,

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and a particular number is going to look very different depending on things

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that have happened in your life, depending on habits,

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depending on healthy or non-healthy behaviors, what you eat, what you do, genetics.

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It's not all about what you do. Some things are just happening because of your

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genetics, because of your environment, your surroundings, your experiences.

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It's all combined together.

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And I always remember this ad that I feel like it could have been Dove,

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maybe, who knows who it was, but there was an ad where they took all these different

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women, and either they were all weighing the same or they were all wearing the same clothing size.

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My example's getting general as I go. But they looked so completely different from each other.

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That is the point. And I think you could do the same thing.

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You could pick age 50, let's say, and you could take all these different women

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who are age 50. they will all look completely different from each other.

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Some of them will still have their natural hair color. Some of them will be gray.

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Some of them will have struggled with weight gain. Some of them won't.

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Some of them will have smoother skin. Some of them won't.

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Everybody looks different. So the number doesn't really tell us anything.

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And there has been so much study about age and all the different pieces of that.

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I was reading an article from Psychology Today, and they talked about a study

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funded by the MacArthur Foundation Research Network on an Aging Society.

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And this study showed that for really a major segment of the population.

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As we go into our later years, our chronological age, meaning the number,

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is kind of shockingly not a predictor of our health.

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And if I were to put that into even more simple wording, age doesn't matter.

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And they said our real age, and I'm putting that in quotes, meaning how old

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we feel is what becomes relevant. And I thought this was amazing because in my head, I'm about 38.

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I used to be 35, so I've given myself a little bit more. Now I'm about 38.

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And this study is saying that what we feel, what we believe,

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how we define ourselves, the image we have of ourselves is what matters, especially as we age.

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And I thought that was so positive.

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Now, they also mentioned that part of this was a shift of things we do in our

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life and the timing of those things. So the timing of marriage has shifted a

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bit later over the years.

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The timing of having kids has shifted a bit later over the years.

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The length of time spent becoming educated has more variation.

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And so that has changed when we imagine that adolescence ends and adulthood begins.

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Maybe it's a little later in some cases than it used to be. We're delaying those

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life events a little bit.

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And the average age of retirement is still,

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as reported by the New York Times, 61, and has been for a little bit of time,

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but actually is higher than what it used to be only a decade ago,

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according to the data that they found.

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So there's a lot of time past that. And this whole rite of passage where you

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retire and now you become an old person and you have to just sit on your porch or, you know,

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play shuffleboard is just gone. It's gone.

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So let's talk about how that affects us. What to wear, number one.

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There are always going to be stories, posts on social media,

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talking heads, saying, when you're in your 50s, here's what you can't wear.

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When you're in your 40s, here's what you can't wear.

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Now, in my Facebook podcast group, which I've mentioned before on the podcast,

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I asked them, do you listen to

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to the experts out there who are saying, now that you're 45,

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here's what you shouldn't wear.

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And almost entirely, they said, we don't care what they say and we don't listen.

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And I was so impressed with that answer, let me just tell you,

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because it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I think some of those messages

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really do get in our heads.

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So most of the time, what those messages will say is cover yourself more when you're getting older.

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And I'm a pretty conservative dresser. If you've seen pictures of me or if we've

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met, you know this already.

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I'm not walking around in miniskirts. I'm not usually walking around in something

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that doesn't cover plenty of skin.

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I'm pretty classic, I would call it, dresser. But that's my choice.

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It's not because of what anyone told me to wear.

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And I'm actually in better shape now, thank you, Pure Bar, than I was 15 or so years ago.

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So I probably could wear some of the things that I just choose not to. And there are no rules.

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There are no rules. I encourage you to let it go if there's a voice in your

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head saying you can't wear that because of your age.

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There are no rules. And my goodness, especially nowadays, there's really no rules about anything.

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My husband's office still dresses almost formally, but most offices.

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I mean, people wear anything.

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People wear anything to a restaurant. There's just no rules.

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Wear what you want. Wear, even more importantly, wear what you feel good in.

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Where what your brain says to you looks amazing because that is where the feeling

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of confidence or self-respect or excitement goes.

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Comes from. Okay, what about respect in your professional capacity?

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Age is a funny thing when it comes to this, isn't it?

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So if you are in your 50s, let's say, but you're not in a management role,

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are you telling yourself, well, by this age, I really should be in a management

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role. I'm not where I wanted to be.

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That one statement, even if we're not talking about a job, even if we're talking about a business.

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In the previous business that I had, my business partners would say this regularly,

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and I'm sure I said it sometimes too, I'm so frustrated. I'm not where I thought I'd be.

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I thought I'd be with a bigger income at this point. I thought I would have

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this at this point, this many years into my business.

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So, so damaging because it creates this feeling of shame when we're saying those things to ourselves.

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Or maybe it's the opposite.

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Maybe you are on the young end in your office or in your business,

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and you are in a management role.

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And I suppose this is a midlife podcast. We're talking about the young end of midlife, let's say.

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Maybe that's challenging because some of the people who report to you are older.

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And so you need to figure out that relationship.

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My message in talking about age when it comes to professional respect or management

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or where should I be now is that, again, it's not about age.

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It's about what your career experience has been,

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what you have decided that you are worthy of in terms of success,

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what you have gone for in terms of taking action and what you have believed

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you could do and what you wanted for heaven's sakes.

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If you didn't want to manage people, then why are you telling yourself you should

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be managing people at this age?

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You don't have to do that. It's not about age. Some of us find the job that

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we absolutely love, and we find it early, and we, over the years of our career,

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shoot to the top of the company doing exactly what we love.

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Others of us do something for a while, make a complete career switch and do

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something for a while, make a complete career switch and do something for a

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while, and that is the perfect path as well.

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It has nothing to do with age. Now, the next item that we need to talk about

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in my top three here, I'm going to call it attractiveness.

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And maybe it's attractiveness and self-image about that, because this is very self-defined.

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You will hear people talking about the fact, writing articles and books about

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the fact that when we hit midlife, people start to ignore us.

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I have read this over and over and over and over that once we become a midlife

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woman, I'm holding air quotes up, then people start to ignore us.

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And people, I suppose, are maybe men that we might be interested in dating at

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this stage of life or people that we need to network with or just in general,

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we're going to go through a crowd, we're going to be totally missed.

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To me, that is just as damaging to say as to say when you're 50,

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you can't wear a skirt X length.

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It's not okay, or you can't wear a bikini. Just as damaging to say you're going

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to be ignored when you hit midlife.

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Because the way we show up in the world is entirely based on what we think about

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ourselves and our value.

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And as I go out and about in the world, even if I am feeling amazing and confident

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and powerful in that moment, are some people still not going to pay attention

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to me, I'm sure that's true.

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And it will be true for you. But that is not the piece that it makes any sense to focus on.

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Because can we put ourselves together on a particular day in our 50s and feel and look attractive?

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Absolutely. And if you are in a relationship, I would bet you that your partner

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in that relationship absolutely believes that you are attractive.

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Do you believe that you are attractive and that people who matter will notice

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you is the real question.

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It's all inside.

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So if I am fixing my hair, I'm fixing my makeup, I've got on a dress that makes

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me feel great or pants or whatever, heels, no heels, doesn't matter. Again, no rules.

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But if I feel on top of my game, if I know that I'm like looking good going to this event,

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then people will see that because it's about the energy that I am vibrating with.

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And don't think to yourself, well, actually, don't let me tell you what to think.

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You can think whatever you want. But this is not woo-woo.

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This is science. Because the thoughts in our heads are,

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create our emotions, and those emotions have a physical vibration.

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And that is how we read people. And you've heard me say this on the podcast

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before, that if you've ever met someone who just gave you a bad feeling or just

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a little bit creeped you out, it's the same thing on the negative side.

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You can get a feeling from people because we all have a vibration that has to

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do with our emotion at that time, which comes from what we're telling ourselves.

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So, one, two, three. Wear what you want. It's not about age.

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Respect in your professional life, job, business, volunteer work. It's not about age.

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And attractiveness, how you feel about your, or I can't think of a word besides

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attractiveness. It's not about age.

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It's about listening to me. Maybe again, if you need to rewind,

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listen again, and realizing that we get to decide how we feel,

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what we think about the situation, what we choose.

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And if I could say anything that maybe puts all of this together,

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When I was recording the podcast episode with Corrine last week about sleep,

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and there's another episode coming with a health and fitness expert.

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There's another episode coming about hydration. The theme that has come up over

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and over again when we're talking about these various aspects of midlife and

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how to live well is that at this point in our lives,

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we need to take care of ourselves maybe just a little bit better than we used to.

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And I can't speak for you in your 20s or 30s, but I did not always take care of myself well.

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And I still don't do it perfectly. But our bodies need a little bit more care

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and thoughtfulness now.

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And that is because of our age.

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But I would argue that it's not because of our chronological age.

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If we go back to that Psychology Today article, I would argue it's because of our real age.

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Meaning the age that takes into account the number, but also the healthy choices

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we've made, our genetics, our experiences, our environment.

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All of those things together, including how we feel, what we tell ourselves about that age.

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So age is just a number, and I just want you to remember that there are no rules

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about that number that you have to follow.

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It's always your decision, and the decision should be about feeling the best

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that you can in that situation. And that is not selfish.

00:20:52.407 --> 00:20:58.527
It is putting your best foot forward. It is putting your oxygen mask on before helping your neighbor.

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Certainly help your neighbor. Put your mask on first.

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Make decisions that feel good for you, whatever the number is.

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And I hope that this episode is making a difference in that in some way.

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Now, we talked about it here, go and grab the free StoryCycle resource.

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It's at CherylPFisher.com slash StoryCycle. I'll put the link in the show notes.

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You want to be able to figure out what is the emotion I'm feeling right now

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and where is it coming from?

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And that will start you on your way to being able to do that.

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And you've heard me say this, it's powerful.

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Now, make sure that you have hit the follow button on Mind Your Midlife because

00:21:42.047 --> 00:21:44.167
coming up on the next episode,

00:21:44.347 --> 00:21:50.727
we are talking about hydration and you're going to learn a few things about

00:21:50.727 --> 00:21:54.927
being hydrated that I bet you did not know.

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And in the meantime, oh my goodness, let's keep creating content.

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Music.